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This year marks a ten-year milestone since the word “disappearing” hit the common lexicon. Initially, the idea that someone could abruptly cease all contact with a partner without a word seemed like the peak of rudeness. Our innocence was charming. In the 10 years since, navigating toward a mate has only become more perplexing – an frequently unsuccessful pursuit in embarrassment that is increasingly shaped by online slang.

Zoomers, a demographic who came of age during a loneliness epidemic, a male identity reckoning, and a concerted attack on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a far messier landscape than their Gen Y forerunners could ever imagine. And so their dating lexicon has grown more extensive and more bizarre, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” pushing the limits of your sanity.

Below is a comprehensive guide to the phrases gen Z is using to navigate romance, sex and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the recent most viral online sayings, by the end of this guide you’ll ache to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – According to Zoomers, dating’s gold standard is presenting as your real, unfiltered self. Good luck with that!

B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend loosely based on a test developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s reaction is inquisitive or brushed off. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while exuding enigma and independence. (She might still have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This means choosing someone who supports you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a chair for you to sit down.

Choremance – A meet-up where two people form a link while doing chores, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained people in their 20s do affordable dating in a inflation-era world.

Melting down – Melting down when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can spiral over a infatuation or breakup, dumping all of your (unrequited) emotions.

The Letter D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a symbol of 1980s young urban professional affluence, it refers to partners who choose against parenthood to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of acting aloof: practicing dialogue, honesty and openness.

F

Flags

• Danger signals – Behavioral quirks suggesting a potential partner is bad news. Such as calling their exes crazy, bad gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Positive signs – These traits validate your decision to pursue a partner. Such as following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal phone use, having a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe specific, mostly inoffensive quirks. Examples include being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still keeping a pen in their bag, paying rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you connect with someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the WWII or DVD collecting or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who loathes the same things or individuals that you do (nothing builds intimacy faster than having a common enemy).

The Letter G

Geese – A musical group many young men listens to.

Zombie-ing – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of silence.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and loyal. The rare partner who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Gooners – A mostly online subculture of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, deliberately postponing climax so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An ideal championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own aside from pleasing her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Icks – Random and often mundane repulsions that instantly kill any sense of desire.

“He would if he cared" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an incredibly thoughtful gesture.

J

Professions – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in fields they believe are being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be limited since some Zoomers want fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy authentic.

Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {