Nighttime Comics Take Aim At Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Residency Scheme

Television's top entertainers used their airtime ridiculing ex-President Donald Trump's just unveiled immigration program, called the "golden visa," portraying it as a clear pay-to-play arrangement for the rich.

Colbert's Witty Take

Opening his program, Stephen Colbert presented a mock holiday tune directed at the commander-in-chief. "He is making a list, reviewing it twice, and then handing that list to the people at ICE," he sang. "Donald Trump ... destroys everything he touches."

Colbert's target was the controversial plan which enables international individuals to purchase U.S. residency for an investment of a million dollars, with a "top-tier" option for $5 million. A government page guarantees processing "in record time."

"One thought here to wealthy applicants: prior to you fork over the cash, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He explained that the program is also meant to "get cash" from firms wanting to hire foreign workers, with significant payments. "That is a lot of fees, though if you enroll, you additionally get two free nights at a hotel of your selection – as long as it's the a specific Marriott," he said.

"The most thorough vetting the government has ever done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these people truly meet the standard to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Critique

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"This is a card that will allow rich international individuals to live here," he explained. "For a million bucks, you get official visitor status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your choosing."

"It might be time to change that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your tired masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel lampooned the simplicity of the form, saying it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Exactly, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "That's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Economic Struggles

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's slipping poll ratings amid economic worries. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term because they were upset about the economy," he explained.

Recently, in a bid to discuss prices, Trump held a press conference in front of a selection of grocery items, where he reacted peculiarly to boxes of cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."

"Trump is so incredibly weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by criticizing conservative media defenses of Trump's financial performance. "Perhaps rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy like what FIFA did," he joked.