Those Words shared by A Father Which Rescued Me during my time as a New Dad

"I believe I was just just surviving for a year."

One-time reality TV personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the difficulties of fatherhood.

But the actual experience soon turned out to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health complications surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver as well as taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, each diaper… each outing. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

Following eleven months he burnt out. It was a talk with his father, on a park bench, that helped him see he needed help.

The simple phrases "You're not in a good place. You need assistance. What can I do to assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and regain his footing.

His situation is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. Although people is now more comfortable talking about the strain on mothers and about post-natal depression, less is said about the difficulties fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan believes his difficulties are linked to a wider inability to communicate amongst men, who still absorb damaging notions of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It isn't a display of being weak to seek help. I didn't do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health before and after childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to admit they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not justified to be requesting help" - most notably in front of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental well-being is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the space to request a respite - going on a couple of days overseas, away from the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He came to see he required a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states as well as the day-to-day duties of taking care of a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That insight has changed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the language of feelings and interpret his parenting choices.

The idea of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen did not have consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "incredible" bond with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences caused his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions caused him to make "terrible actions" when in his youth to alter how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as escapism from the pain.

"You gravitate to substances that don't help," he notes. "They may short-term modify how you feel, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Advice for Coping as a New Dad

• Share with someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, speak to a friend, your spouse or a professional what you're going through. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the pursuits that helped you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. Examples include playing sport, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical stuff - a good diet, physical activity and when you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is doing.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - sharing their experiences, the messy ones, and also the joys, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that seeking help isn't failing - prioritising you is the optimal method you can care for your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead offer the security and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the frustrations safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men since they faced their pain, transformed how they express themselves, and learned to regulate themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I said, sometimes I think my purpose is to instruct and tell you what to do, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am understanding an equal amount as you are on this path."